Hey, I'm Writing

~Come to me.
I am sick of searching, and I am sick of being let down. I count on these people, but there not counting back. I spit, 'One, two, three, four' they give me back, 'Six, twelve, nine, five'. Its not what I want, you aren't listening to me. My ears are wide open for your words. My mouth seems glued shut sometimes. But my eyes are wide with voice. So much has been on my mind, I seem to get lost in it all. I feel like its time to make changes, but I always say that. I have to sort you, filter, and retreive what I want.
You say do what makes you happy. But, for some reason, I don't know how to do that. I make myself happy, but then the people around me are unsatisfied. To see the ones I care about in an upset state of mind, it triggers me to do something. I can't do as I please if you are not going to be happy about it. I am too scared to take such a big step for myself, to finally branch out.
Bonds last forever, no matter how many new friends you gain or lose, no matter how many mistakes were made, or words said or actions taken place. I want old bonds back. I want them to see me as how I was, and how I am. Its not cool, take a glance at me now and think of how I changed. Truth is, I haven't changed one bit. I miss these old friends, I wish my old mind set, and my goals.

I want to be independent with or without you. I want to strive to be the person I want to be. I am lost, the world passes at me so fast, what should I grab for? What is it, what is it that I really want?

All this waiting

was never worth it

****************

Fuck
Them
All

withdrawals

Eh, I want to: I need to
its not healthy, but just let me.

Rainy day, in South Milwaukee, watching the television
over and over and over again with my grandmother
sitting inside in pajamas, in the bedroom, in this dark room

Spring is Here, finally, summer right around the corner,
I am so stoked for this summer, truly.

the list
1. Road trip (anywhere, really)
2. Wisconsin Dells
3. Summerfest (of course)
4. Six Flags
5. Warped tour..??
6. Ocean?

And so much more, more more more more more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy, sitting inside, on this rainy day :]
leaving soon to see slumdog millionaire, still have to shower,
lazy days R goood

them sun dayz

They are completely relaxing and make me apathetic.
It is like a flat line all thru the day. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that though. Sometimes you need it, and seclusion..

Blahhhhh
Weeks are going to pass, and spring is going to inch nearer and nearer.
The sun is playing tricks on us as we look out the window and see it shining, but as soon as we take a step outside, we shiver again.

--On another note, I hope that feeling comes back again, I like when I get that. You know what I am talking about, but you don't, really. It is nice, like writing in your room on a Sunday morning. Some day you will feel it. Oh, I am so tired on the inside, and exhausted. Sleep is coming early tonight and school is a joke to me.

give me an amen,

your on the same page as me, I bet you are.
The page that is blank, the page that wants to be turned,
the page that lost its words...

I want to be a new page. I want lots of words. I can turn, I can tear, I can become an airplane, I want to become a swan, or how about a box, or make me a fan. I want all of this, and it is all here.

I have the materials, I have me, so now it is time to put these words in to action (which never results in how I would really want it to.)

I guess I just wish I had that power. To change completely in to what I would like. No one is holding us back, we do as we wish. It is our brain, and lungs, and liver, and hearts. Shouldn't we do as we please? What makes us happy?

So that is what I strive to do. Or, striving.

On another note, how about them envious people? Like, per say, Me?
It is a horrible thing, to be jealous. I can be all I can be, so I wouldn't have to be jealous. But, there is always that one thing that is holding us back from it all, and you can never get a hint of what it really is because it is too close to count and to little to matter. But, some days I feel like I found it. Found out what really makes me have that envious taste in my mouth, and it is because I wish too much. I wish for all the world, I wish for the past and for people, and wishing doesn't do anything. You have got to do something to do it. And that may be the answer to my quest of the roots of my envy. But, who all really knows, you know? I can live I can breathe I can speak without this all weighing me down. And I know I can, it has always been alive within me.

on and on and on

When will truly learn the lesson and when will the failing end?
We follow our hearts and never seem to do what our conscious tells us too
I remember when I followed myself, and it seems my mind takes control these days, over analyzing everything, past, present, future.
Where did the moment go, please tell me where it went.
Too caught up in everything that doesn't revolve anymore, too much time spent on things that never exist, it is like I'm here but pieces are lost, forever
But when will the pieces rebuild? Is this something I must do myself? Pick it all up again from the beginning. 'Time runs through our veins' It is the only thing I seem to know. But when will people know when to stop. Stop running back to the same old things that never work, that never do them any good, all the negatives seem to rise up above the positives, but yet, we run back to it all. It is habitual, it is us, we are fleeing from our minds, following the only path we know. Someday, it has got to stop. Someday, it will stop, but just try, try from within and you can do it. Wish we were kids again, doing nothing but taking it all in, life changing choices didn't exist, our minds seemed underdeveloped, and our faces seemed so pleasant. If only we stayed the same throughout life and made the decisions that would prove us to be the strong people we want to be

All the things I've never done

Sitting here, with discomfort, I realize that I need to start doing something more productive. Why would I rather sit and type on this computer, which doesn't fill my satisfaction, when I could be walking my dog, cleaning my room, taking pictures, creating something, doing something worth my time...

This isn't good, Sarah, it really isn't.

There is so much to explore in the world, and even millions of things to explore about yourself. I need to learn how to be more productive with my time and do something meaningful.

Aghh, that discomfort is coming back to me, it's time to go

Grasp

When the worst of situations arrives
you have to accept it, piece by piece.
But, learning to accept something is much greater
then being able to block it out

You can't block something out forever.

This will be the hardest thing I have come across in my life

I'm already alone

Thinking back, thinking now, it was you all along..
Can't expand other then what I have already seen,
what I have already done

Wish I could be them, so I wouldn't have to sit alone
I think and think and this is the only thing I have come up with
How pathetic I am, to not be able to pursue what I want.

I am scared of rejection, I am scared of regret, but most of all
I am scared to be happy again.

Was that really it, was it the thing that made me happy?
Or did it make me feel worthless in the long run.

I just want everything back.
I want myself, my childhood, my old friends, my memories to grasp
I just want it all, why can't I reach out, and touch it with the tips of my fingers?

It seems too far away now, but It is too hard to let it all pass over.
Things don't die forever, something will always remain no matter what it may be