So I'm pissed.
I hate everybody.
I even hate my friends.
I sometimes hate myself, rarely...
I have this hatred built up. More than a week, more than that, I have been isolated in this stupid house. I have become a stranger from my best friend, and when I see you...its like your different now. When I saw you two today, we hung out, you treated me like shit. We all treated each other like shit.
I'm so sick of it. I have taken a break, and when I see you, it's like I want another week or more away from you all. I don't know what it is. I'm trying to expand and become who it is I want to be, but you fucking knock me down, right down to my knees. Bash, bash, bash me down, each other down. Why?
Seriously. Where can I find people who are on the same level? Who like the same music, clothes, places, thoughts, everything. I want to be open, completely open with someone, and just mesh so well. Where can I find that?
I hate being harsh. But I have hate right now. I don't know where I got it, the origin, but it's here. I am just sick of putting in effort it's always me, me, me, making the first move. And I've had enough.
THIS IS ME VENTING...
I hate having mono, I hate everything, I hate this summer, I hate that I can't even cry about it, I hate that I am such a little wimp ass, I hate that I hate everything, and I hate that I'm not 16, that I don't have my license, that my friends are dicks, that my brother is a dick, that my dad is a dick, that everyone is a dick, that I can only make myself happy when I'm alone, that I can only get sad when I'm alone, that I have no money, FUCK, that I can't drink/smoke/etc. when I have mono, that I don't/can't have a job, that people look down on me, they expect nothing, that I'm so fucking isolated.
I don't know how to figure this one out.
Can someone...any one...figure me out?