retreatretreat

Go back to how things used to be, find that love you once loved
they were the one who stole you away, you think you can just fall back on
Thing is, they change so much
Their ambitions, their skin, even their lovers
How easy it would it be to fall back on every crutch you have seemed to have in your life..
thank you so much for letting me know I don't need that.
That new people show me new ways.
The crutch remains, but it is a question if I still need to lean against it

poison

Poison My Mind,
My Lungs,
My skin.

Poison my Heart,
my fingertips,
and poison my blood

Poison my teeth, my tongue, my throat

All I ever do is poison myself.

INNOCENCE IS GONE

- What are you attempting to do with your life?

I know you are dividing in to two, sometimes three, ripping yourself to shreds. You are in one direction changing pace, then headed towards the other.
I stand and watch you, I await it, I know that it is coming
I know I see you, I know you see me
I wonder if I am ripping in to shreds,
I am not
I feel whole. I feel steady. I feel good. I don't feel anything.
I don't feel anything..






I don't think I want to, I think I am scared
I think I am 'scarred'
I think I am lost, I think I was lost, then I think I found myself
I found myself. Here I am. There you are. Here we are.
I think I'm okay, I am okay, my attempts are pathetic,
why do I try. Why do I search for all that is new.
Old is dust, it is rust, it is gone like the wind
New cannot be seen, it is future
when will this come...



my writing is tough to follow,
I think I would only know what I am trying to say
....In to WORDS you can UNDERSTAND:
VVVVVV
i'm alright, I really am, but my mind is making me look back in the shadow





Sup douchebags, stop trying

Morning

I woke up at the sun was shining through my blinds. It was the feeling I used to get when summer was around. That I slept in. I sat up, I felt dead. I felt like I was still dreaming. I walked on to the porch, it was bright. The wind felt good, it was warm, it was fall, the leaves were slowly falling. My head still sort of hurts, but I feel no obligations today, I don't feel any worry. There is nothing to worry about. I am not anxious, not nervous, not doubting, not caring, not expecting anything. It's just I am finally realizing what it is all about. It's about you and me, about just being yourself, take it or leave it. It's about confidence, it's not about fitting in to the perfect scheme and riding with the majority on the bandwagon. I finally feel like I'm producing something with results, not trying to steal the song title, but in actuality I feel like this. It feels good.

writing the wrong?

What words can you write with out it being wrong?
Wrong: Something that is not right, something that targets an innocent victim
But I believe wrong, is honesty, and that is all that ever comes out of my mouth.
-
I feel completely drained at this point. I walked through out Milwaukee today and Autumn is actually starting to frost in to the night, and my breaths become a fog. I never know what I am doing from one day to the next, its an undecided factor, I just live.
-
Repetition, Repetition, you keep hearing the same words over and over again from the same people.

IT"S NOT EASY

The way you are judged day to day, pretty or not, skinny or fat, short or tall,
it's not fair that there is more to me then what you may see.
I don't get the constantly consumed minds of men that are generally seeking a vagina and boobs. Honestly speaking, there is more to women than just that. It's hard to find someone who knows you for you, who would give you a chance. But, it seems when I am given a chance, I watch it all wash away, because I don't want to get hurt, I don't want it to be me.

How fair is it that I was given opportunities through out the years and NEVER, never have I once used them for my greater advantage. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but one day, one day I swear something will come that is worth it, or has been worth the wait. I am sick of tired and waiting, I am sick of this constant lack of loneliness and constant visitations of solid memories that are blocked in my mind like walls.

I want to live each day, day in and day out, with a positive attitude, with some sort of confidence that can keep me going, and optimism that I can use in doubtful situations. I am not perfect, all are not perfect, it's hard for everyone to understand this fact and bash on others with small comments that dig deep beneath the skin of others. I wish I could say I don't care when I hear them, I wish I could said those who mind do not matter, but it feels like they matter.

Every petals come off again, and fell to the floor.

ULTIMATE

driving home with the humidity soaring through the air.
I felt nauseous, I felt cold.
Memories flashed before my eyes, and then I closed them.
Where did things go wrong, where did the control go, where Did I go.
another realization of how things have come to be and the losses,
the losses that I have come to lose,
the many people gone to a certain extreme of nothing and no importance
to me anymore
Lingering still inside me is a lost passion and need
Where did they go.
No one will ever step up to the plate and see me how some have seen me

cold

wet
happy
proud
sad
ugly
drenched
uncomfortable
excited
anxious
RAIN

so here we are

so we are waiting, waiting for it all to turn around
for everybody to turn themselves and see it
Truth is, you can't just wait around.
You've got to get up and do something about it,
do what you need to do to succeed and show yourself you don't need to wait
around to make it happen, strive strive

Do what you want to do

loneliness

I feel off
I don't want to be a part of it
But I am content,
with just being on my own....

EH

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for my benefit, or for yours?

Big Mouth

Things I say Sometimes, I swear
My honesty gets the best of me, actually worst of me
I wish I didn't have to be so cruel
and I wish I didn't have to say things that don't even need to be said

can't fall asleep just yet

kinda of hungry, kind of tired, kind of happy
Shit, I have to get up at 6:20 am tomorrow...

Shit

I thought a lot this weekend, I do that when I'm in South Milwaukee.
I thought about relationships, how the man needs a woman to call his own like a piece of property and the woman needs a man to protect her and feel inferior to...

Thought long and hard about it all.
It's basically bullshit.
Well, some of it.

I can understand the indescribable feelings we encounter sometimes but its too much to wrap my head around and try to understand the need and want and wishing we all do. How we flashback and get stuck in the past and get temporary sad feelings, when we know we can trek right on through it..
How we want someone by our side so badly we forget the person we are. When trying to find someone becomes the main goal that someone needs to achieve when that person can find you.
When people fall in to a state of depression because they can't get what they want, because they've lost themselves to themselves...........


my late night thinking gets me nowhere.
Do I eat something?
if I eat something then I can't fall asleep.
Should I eat something?
nah, I'm going to bed soon I think

CLOSURE

to my life
.


No more games,
No more hoping,
No more standing around,
No more caring,
No more enemies,
No more laziness,

No more.

GOOD TO SEA

Wisconsin, in the rush of autumn

I fall

here it is.



Completely distracted by nothing but wanting someone genuine
I can't focus or think anymore
I'm falling in to a state of mind that is nothing
What I'm trying to acheive doesn't matter anymore.
I need someone by my side.
I am sick of these cheesy lines and people that mean nothing
but regrets and false friends
I need you here some one like me, worth my time,
someone I don't have to avoid being myself around
I want it to all fall in to place,
but as it is,
I am falling as well
just as my father
I need it here like a habit, and the only thing
that once was, has been gone for too long
.....................
How can I concentrate without running back to my wishful thinking
things like this never happen for me
wallow in the sorrow pops, I'm with you on that boat

genuwine/-genuine-

where did these types of people go
these types of feelings
maybe they walk past me every day
I don't care to realize it
Or want to see it.

Hmm
taking whatever I can find right on in
nothing will ever be as good as it once was

....

Uh





everything's changed but its all the same
i'm losing speed, flailing down, its all just a thought
surreal it is
what you can't have
what you want
how life really is
the depth of everything you can dive in to
how greater of a deal people make things
aging faster than ever

some things seem louder when everything is silent and your all alone