Nov 28, 2009

MiRRoR

I looked at myself, and I see where I'm from, what I am, and why I am like this. I see my eyes, nose, chin, cheeks, lashes, teeth, now I understood who I am..

I see my Mother in me, shamelessly hoarding and begging off of you, and so vulnerable of pain and hurt. I see a bit of brutal honesty and a little craziness that you won't understand. I see the smoke gliding through my teeth and I see the tears beginning to form because of my regrets, Just as She.

I see my Father in me, becoming a robot stone cold and slightly nonchalant about everything. I see a boy that is ready to take risks and I see a slash of isolation because I shouldn't care about the pointless things in my life. There are the goals that rise within me, but there is also the mistakes that I have made, Just as Him.


I see my Brother, my blood, running through my veins. I see something genuine, and something true, just as tears that have been held in for so long. I see Hope and I see someone that is naive at the same time. I see sickness and I see carefree . I also see Independence, just as He.



And then I turn to the Mirror, and I see myself. The Flaws, the Beauty, the Ugly, and The Truth, all right there posted across my face. I see who I am, why I am who I am, and I smile. I smile because Only I know why I have come to be this, and only I know that someday I can share this with someone willing to see me and understand me and love me for the way I am.

The way I have come to be

Nov 24, 2009

Want

to escape and see the canyons and forget about my unhappy life here in wisconsin
Want to meet new people that can hold intellectual conversations, that are inspirations
I want to escape my isolated jealous mind and be free in thought and open minded
i want that warm weather and I want the warm feelings and friendships that I've come to resent.
i'm alone, truly, here at my age, i have no one of the same as me, how hard it is to grow and become yourself without anyone, to be on your very own, to stand alone, to have this hate, and to love what you have come to lost, there is nowhere else to go but up, because im sick of being on the bottom, and im sick of these depressed thoughts

Nov 22, 2009

Time To Open My Eyes

I know now what not to do and I know that I am able to actually feel emotion, for the first time was last night, because people are SO powerful with words and actions and generosity, sober or drunk..

I know not to put myself out there unless I am completely comfortable with that idea. I know that isolation is a key conduct of life to regain and recollect yourself as you lose it from time to time. I know that I am a vulnerable person, so its time to be Strong, and not listen to people that aren't going to matter to me in a year from now. I don't need to be attacked, I need to be my own person and do what I love because doing what you love is more important than anything. You must always come first.
Things that I encounter are somewhat of a joke to me sometimes. The way people mix their lives up and blame you, or say your the problem, or you need to change, well Listen up, I don't need to change a thing to satisfy anybody but myself, and I am so ready and willing to become Positive and to love my life.

-I have been negative for far too long
-I have been dependent for quite some time
-My insecurities overwhelm me
-My past haunts me
-My lungs are going to shrivel
-My bank account is running low
-My room [life], is completely cluttered
-My [close] friends are distasteful
-My choices lack what I actually want to do
-My body language sends all the wrong signals

time to draw the lines, change these, do whatever it takes to be satisfied for once

.

Nov 20, 2009

I dont even kn0w

i dont even know
im sinking slightly or so it feels into this canvas white seat of a chair just watching the keys go down and back up and my sweater is red like a tomato and my head is heavy like a bowling ball and I sort of just want to sleep sort of and i sort of feel like accomplishing something for a greater good but i know that its not going to happen and i want sweet dreams tonight that would be great and yeah i dont know

Nov 19, 2009

dirty

dirty dirty dirties
drug addicts and alcoholics and lawbreakers and smooth talkers
and smokers and shooters and theives and...

cowboys and gangsters and pirates and ninjas
its all make beleive


at least I wish it was, but I think these people truly have hearts buried underneath their skin

Nov 16, 2009

ONE BIG PILE OF

SAP


SAP

AND MORE

SAP

emotions are not optional, but are they required? Although, they can be tolerable, sometimes it seems too significant to not shed a tear or two.
it seems i'm not holding anything back nowadays, i barely cry, cant remember my last, and whats their to cry about?


sometimes i think of a face or two and a strike of regret and/or sadness sweeps me off my feet, but why encompass myself with grief when i look positively into the future knowing there is life left in the many of us and there are chances to take and risks and hearts to steal.

its fine by me, i tell myself. i take a drag and drowned myself with a lost past and a promising future. its fine by me.

Nov 12, 2009

And I thought

that through the 'sea of fingers, I'd find my own real life'
And its true, maybe from all the negativity I am consumed with each day,
I can be rational and truly find who I am capable of becoming.
I can trash the things I don't want, and recycle the things
that I always want to be there.
Everything has to be complicated intertwined with emotions,
and walls, and barriers and sap, because we are humans
and I wish it didn't have to be that way sometimes.
I think of myself as a Robot often, I'm different.
I probably won't cry if you cry, I probably won't care,
I probably am not going to like you for different reasons as everyone else,
I probably am going to like you for different reasons then anyone else,
and I'm going to see you for who you are,
and that's not necessarily a good/bad thing

I wonder what it would be like to completely eliminate one aspect of your life
how would it be, how would everything change?
Would I be happy?
Would you?

I want power, and confidence, and I want to be genuine and not let the silly things get in my way, but everyday there They stand right on the tip of my nose screaming for attention because they are so little, and they are so Weak. I can't make them feel good, or bigger, they have to feel it for themselves.

I can't have this negativity follow me through the halls and have this bad judgment become of me for being who I am, I have never done anything wrong to anyone to deserve the little things. It's not fair, it's not fair at all.

Nov 10, 2009

YOUR EGO

IS DRIPPING TO YOUR THIN ANKLES,
BUT YOUR CONFIDENCE HAS YET TO SOAR.

LOOK AT THAT FACE,
IT IS NOTHING NEW,

YOUR ENAMEL IS CHIPPING AWAY
FROM THE ACID YOU EMIT,

YOU STAND WEAK AND TALL,
YOU ARE FRAGILE.

Nov 9, 2009

KASH

outouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttt
makin green, spendin it on some mo green....
gettin shit done,


APATHETIC-ISM
needs to goooo............

RELIEF
is here

ITS ALL UNEXPECTED, SO I JUST TAKE IT AS IT COMES..I NEVER KNOW REALLY, BUT THERE IS SOME THINGS I SHOULD WORK ON. NO, I"M NOT GOING TO SAY WHAT THOSE ARE, BUT SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF....KEEPING MY HEAD UP HIGH?

I don't know.
I want my creativity to spark UP

Nov 1, 2009

New Month

New Job, New Mind set