Jul 24, 2009

Sob Sob Sob

My birthday was today...
little did I know I would have bleeding emotions seeping through out
I would be so sensitive to every little thing
that getting stepped on and be unsatisfied would be something yet again that would happen to me

that being unreliable is a constant
that people just don't know how to please me
or that being chained to the fucking house would leave me desperate and isolated
I am 16, I want to flee far far away, some may shake there heads and some may say go for it.
I believe life is to short to get upset at the little things, but believe it or not, I completely contradict myself all the time.

Good bye 15, hello 16
it started off all wrong...

Jul 22, 2009

Jul 17, 2009

Jul 16, 2009

I predicted it

You are unreliable.
"It's not my fault..."

Too bad it is.
Put him first just like your last fucking relationship
I'm fine, independent, and have other people I can count on

Will I be here when you need me most, Again?

Jul 12, 2009

my friends are my enemies

I SEEK: space, air, pencil, paper, sweater, smoke, Content

to be your own, sometimes you have to be on your own.
It's time.
It's time I grasp on to something greater, realize changes I need to come by, and the few things I need to hold on to, the precious things, the only few.

I want to run, run away
Run from you all.
DIRT, is what I step on, not what I am
SKY, what I never realize, where I want to be
AIR, dirty in the city, still fresh in my lungs

I seem to question myself on a daily basis of what I should and should not do.
The departure of my old skin is exiting, I want to live, finally live
Finally be fair, be inspiring, why can't I acheive this?
Why do I feel weak, why do I feel worthless, why do I feel unwanted.
Why do I feel like myself, and why do you feel superior.
Why do you feel better, why am I DIRT

...I'm not.
It's you that has tried to impress the spectators and achieve greatness
It's me that stands back and observes your pitiful effort.


Jul 11, 2009


can't someone make the effort for once?

Jul 8, 2009

red eye

go to fuckin' bed
And your exactly why I don't look up to you.

I don't care what you expect, what you like, how you have done it.
This is me, and everyone, this is not just about YOU.

your unhappy.
you are You.

I awoke

ONLY to find my lungs empty...

can you reach your posted goals that have you measured out inch by inch, can you crawl your way to the top, can you seek the horizon you have been waiting for?

what the hell is it that you want

so close...so close...I can feel it beating out my chest and rushing thru my veins


Jul 1, 2009


So I'm pissed.
Fucking pissed.
I'm angry.

I hate everybody.
No lie.
I even hate my friends.
I sometimes hate myself, rarely...

I have this hatred built up. More than a week, more than that, I have been isolated in this stupid house. I have become a stranger from my best friend, and when I see you...its like your different now. When I saw you two today, we hung out, you treated me like shit. We all treated each other like shit.

I'm so sick of it. I have taken a break, and when I see you, it's like I want another week or more away from you all. I don't know what it is. I'm trying to expand and become who it is I want to be, but you fucking knock me down, right down to my knees. Bash, bash, bash me down, each other down. Why?

Seriously. Where can I find people who are on the same level? Who like the same music, clothes, places, thoughts, everything. I want to be open, completely open with someone, and just mesh so well. Where can I find that?

I hate being harsh. But I have hate right now. I don't know where I got it, the origin, but it's here. I am just sick of putting in effort it's always me, me, me, making the first move. And I've had enough.


I hate having mono, I hate everything, I hate this summer, I hate that I can't even cry about it, I hate that I am such a little wimp ass, I hate that I hate everything, and I hate that I'm not 16, that I don't have my license, that my friends are dicks, that my brother is a dick, that my dad is a dick, that everyone is a dick, that I can only make myself happy when I'm alone, that I can only get sad when I'm alone, that I have no money, FUCK, that I can't drink/smoke/etc. when I have mono, that I don't/can't have a job, that people look down on me, they expect nothing, that I'm so fucking isolated.

I don't know how to figure this one out.

Can someone...any one...figure me out?