: \

I think I'm getting better...I need to..this is no way to waste my summer
every night, its depressing, another day/ night spent at home
everyone is doing there own thing, having fun.
Here I am, sick, alone, damn..

like a bee sting

I find out I have mono, this is a great way to spend the first month of summer
no summerfest, no ace enders, no hanging out, no nothing
I can barely swallow. All I do is sleep, or come on the computer.
Eating is close to impossible.

this is such a big bummer

bitter fucking sweet

Happy, yet, I know on the inside
I am begging to run away from all of you
my lungs are expanding, and my heart is beating fast
I want to make it
Could I leave you here, standing?
Your not alone, your with everyone besides yourself
I will be okay, you would be fine with out me.
You have them, but you will never have yourself.
So, a bitter fucking sweet thought,
hoping soon to become a bitter fucking sweet goodbye,
things like this are impossible,
things like this are inevitable,
how do I spend all this time thinking of you?
Fond friends that create these few good memories,
I hope to leave you amidst your own selfish, premature, arrogant lives.
I am so much more, I live to be so much more, to do so much more.
I don't need you for anything, nothing
This plot never comes out successful.

I don't know why I feel like this, I don't know why you people have to act like this, I don't know why I hate you, but I do, even though we are 'so close'.

Sorry?
...
sort of.

monday night

first monday night of summer vacation.
a part of me wants to be somewhere else, but right now, I am pretty content with just sitting at my house.

I have not wrote in a while on either here or my journal, and I regret that. This past week has been so great. I have met and hung out with a lot of new and old friends. My summer has been so good, so far.

So much is still in store for me. I have my hopes high, but I am not trying to have expectations. I am just living it and being happy, and not looking back in the past. There is so much on my plate right now, and sometimes I don't even know how to comprehend it. I am just overall, exceptionally happy with the way everything has been going.

MeRRRRRrrrrrR

#*^$#*&*($@(*!*&@*&~!!!

it's been so long...

and I have had time to forgive
all the people who have ruined me.
A clean slate, an optimistic insight,
is exactly what I am looking for.

But for some reason, deep down,
I still want you to suffer so bad.
Where can this humanistic trait be derived from?
Where we want the people who hurt us so bad
to ultimately suffer in the end.
Emotionally, suffer, or physically.

So that, they can see all the harm they've done
along the way. Vengeance. runs. deep.

I hope I can overcome this some day.
I hope I can extract it from my head, and start over.
I think I can.