SEXY CAN I?

WHERE ARE YOU?
ITS ALL THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND MIND

make a move

a vulnerable piece

somehow I used to stay cold and pretend that nothing bothered me, but I have noticed my emotions are creeping out of me maybe because the vulnerability I am beginning to show as I am becoming attatched and confiding in certain people that maybe I should not put all my heart and effort in to. It would be a releif to know I could have one person to count on for everything that was always around when I needed them and we could support each other through thick and thin but the layers of a person in their entirety are too hard to understand each with there own code and there own goals and meanings. I may not mean the same thing to them as they mean to me. I am so sick of putting myself out there and getting my face smashed in the dirt and picking my own self up again because no one can pick me up. Is this how its going to be when I am 18? On my own, looking for so-called friends/acquantinces that pass the time but don't mean shit? I keep looking in to people and hoping to find their soul, but everyone blocks it from being seen. Everyone is too scared to bury the bricks from their walls in their backyard. They want to be this and that.


No thanks

So,

it was a slow weekend with long days and long hours of rest. it was a productive sunday getting myself to clean my room hang some pictures see my mother do some laundry go to work and hold that stupid sign and talk to my lovely coworkers. it was seven thirty and the sun was just going down. i was driving home alone and in the rearview was a thin line of light sky and it made my heart jump thinking of how close summer was and how fast i am growing up. lately it feels like everything has been falling in to place and i keep telling myself to not be overwhelmed and to take things as they come. its okay to think of your past but i know now it is impossible to relive it. so each day is a new struggle to free my mind and cherish the moments i am given.

its like i am growing rapidly like a field of dandelions. i never stop, will never stop, and the self realization of it is all so apparent. but, i wonder if your blind eyes can see this too?

i think i am okay if you don't. i think one day, you will.

loveyouamerica,
sarah r nelson

To you Boy,

Your a piece of shit, you are under the rock, you are the soil I step on that mushes between my bare feet in summer, you are nothing to me anymore, you are something I don't recognize any longer. You blend in with the crowd because you have changed to be like them. These past few years all seem to have faded away. Now, Life is so quicker and faster, and I am loving it. Experiencing new things everyday and new ideas. Dealing with new faces and creating relationships. It all takes me my mind off of something so silly as a boy I used to know so long ago. Its been great to realize how big of a piece of shit you are. It has taken me a while to finally bring that closure to my life because I have always left it open thinking there could be a chance, another shot at what could be, but everything happened for a reason and you are not meant to be in my life, every time you come around you ruin me. I am over it. I have been over it. I don't need a ghost in my presence any longer and I think it is finally time to burn these bridges I have, and to store away all the letters and writings in my room, and to never look at the pictures of us again. You don't belong in my life.


with sincerity,
sarah r. nelson



.

I FEEL AMAZING!

I love my life and I'm pumped on my future and right now everything is so good

PUMPED ON LIFE, NERVOUS

SO MANY THINGS ARE GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW
ITS AND OVERWHELMING FEELING BUT ITS WONDERFUL

going to mexico, yes FUCKING mexico at the end of the month, me and my girls are in a fashion show, constantly taking pictures and constantly writing, lacrosse every day, making cash money at dominos, constantly meeting new people, thinking about college and thinking about everything that is coming, spring break, summer and all the fun it brings, being a senior and living that one last year of high school, living my life with Lizzy Lynch *my sister*, having fun on weekends, not caring about DuDeZ at all fuck that, let me say that again, FUCK THAT!!!!!! One more time? FUCK that!

vvvvvv
haha, I have wasted so much precious time out of my life contemplating the useless and the what ifs and what should have beens. I need to take life by the reigns and stop waiting around, I need things to happen when they happen. Its all in timing. Sitting around and being a mope is not what I want to be. Lately, I have been living so fast, doing what I want and when I want, being actually happy, not being scared to take risks, and creating friendships. I love it lately. I hope it stays for a while.

WE HAVE DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS WE DONT WANT THEM TO HEAR

And my mind is softly teeter tottering and everyday I question my own life. I question the reason why I am here what I am doing why I don't take a chance and my regrets on top of regrets

I feel like I could break down at any moment because I feel like failure and I feel like nothing. I try to reach in for that passion and for the lust and for that ounce of a hidden dream within me and I don't know if I can touch it. I am lost because I continue to make myself feel like this. I feel lost without someone by my side.

Rather then feeling lost, do I want that confusion and constant questioning that comes along for the ride of confiding in somebody else? Everyday continues to be a struggle to find and to learn and to hear and speak. Its a struggle to stop thinking of my memories when I was with *them*/*him*. Its so sad. Its so fucking sad and pathetic. But, we all bear that in our souls. We are all seeking some sort of way out and some way to end all those things that continue to hold us back.

AND JUST LIKE THAT

I BEGIN TO QUESTION MY EVERY MOVE MY EVERY DECISION IN MY LIFE
WHAT MY NEXT MOVE WILL BE AND MY LIFE SEEMED TO HAVE FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES AND I COULD SHED A SINGLE TEAR AND I WIPED IT FROM MY FACE AND I SAID.

'the only thing I want in life is to be happy, to have a smile. Thats the whole point in life right? To feel satisfied? I just want that, I want that satisfaction'