somehow I used to stay cold and pretend that nothing bothered me, but I have noticed my emotions are creeping out of me maybe because the vulnerability I am beginning to show as I am becoming attatched and confiding in certain people that maybe I should not put all my heart and effort in to. It would be a releif to know I could have one person to count on for everything that was always around when I needed them and we could support each other through thick and thin but the layers of a person in their entirety are too hard to understand each with there own code and there own goals and meanings. I may not mean the same thing to them as they mean to me. I am so sick of putting myself out there and getting my face smashed in the dirt and picking my own self up again because no one can pick me up. Is this how its going to be when I am 18? On my own, looking for so-called friends/acquantinces that pass the time but don't mean shit? I keep looking in to people and hoping to find their soul, but everyone blocks it from being seen. Everyone is too scared to bury the bricks from their walls in their backyard. They want to be this and that.
No thanks
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