Sep 24, 2009


The way you are judged day to day, pretty or not, skinny or fat, short or tall,
it's not fair that there is more to me then what you may see.
I don't get the constantly consumed minds of men that are generally seeking a vagina and boobs. Honestly speaking, there is more to women than just that. It's hard to find someone who knows you for you, who would give you a chance. But, it seems when I am given a chance, I watch it all wash away, because I don't want to get hurt, I don't want it to be me.

How fair is it that I was given opportunities through out the years and NEVER, never have I once used them for my greater advantage. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but one day, one day I swear something will come that is worth it, or has been worth the wait. I am sick of tired and waiting, I am sick of this constant lack of loneliness and constant visitations of solid memories that are blocked in my mind like walls.

I want to live each day, day in and day out, with a positive attitude, with some sort of confidence that can keep me going, and optimism that I can use in doubtful situations. I am not perfect, all are not perfect, it's hard for everyone to understand this fact and bash on others with small comments that dig deep beneath the skin of others. I wish I could say I don't care when I hear them, I wish I could said those who mind do not matter, but it feels like they matter.

Every petals come off again, and fell to the floor.

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