YOU HURT ME,
YOUR IN LOVE,
YOUR A LIAR,
YOUR A CHEATER,
YOUR A FAKE,
YOU ARE A BITCH,
YOU ARE ANNOYING,
YOU ARE IMMATURE,
YOU ARE COCKY,
YOU ARE CONCEITED,
YOU ARE SELFISH,
YOU ARE AWKWARD,
YOU ARE UGLY,
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL,
YOU ARE PERFECT,
YOU ARE CLOSED,
YOU ARE WITHDRAWN,
YOU ARE LOUD,
YOU ARE INTELLIGENT,
YOU ARE LOST
And I wondered laying on my cover, how is it that I have come to be this way completely apathetic and unemotional, feeling this constant numbness in my heart from something so long ago, something I am so attached too. And I remembered all the while that there was a period of time without the numbness, but only a little tingle, because it was put somewhere far, far away, but now it has resurfaced since June only because I let myself do so. Only because I wanted to feel helpless and desertion and I wanted to feel that way I used to feel,
the thing is,
you can never get your past back.
So Why, why do I keep trying to get it back, its a question I ask myself everyday looking for a lost face, and its a question that I need to put on hold, and store away forever.
I can't keep doing this to myself, it is killing me, because No one cares, no one sees the way I see, and no one will want to.
It's a clutter of feelings and facts and memories, no one would want to hear.
But, the thing is, it is what is making me feel Distant, and it is what is making me never want to stop writing because it makes me sane, and it makes me happy knowing I can rely on myself, and trust myself, because tonight I heard someone say,
"You can't even trust yourself.'
And that is a lie, because when you have lost trust in yourself, what is even the point in living anymore?
Basically, the only person I can trust is Me, because you need to have strength in yourself, and you need to be a fucking soldier to survive, and you need it all or you will be a dead man walking.
And theres a million things in my mind right now
and you won't read this,
and this song is making me feel a certain way,
and I'm not going to do my homework,
and I'm going to write on some loose leaf,
and I'm going to pass out,
and then I'm going to sleep,
and dream bad dreams,
and it will all be repeated tomorrow.