old journal entries from over the past two years on loose leaf
hanging out in my room.
Authority..let me be.
Am I approachable?
Am I what you are looking for?
No, well I didn't want to get my hopes up.
Summer nights ahead, so close I can feel it wrapping around me
The Early November, always will be my favorite band, since 8th grade
and will always influence my writings from day to day
I feel like trash.
I feel unhealthy.
I feel cold.
Now how about them old journal entries...
11.9.08. "I live with a sense of strength now"
11.12.08. "So we exchange blank stares. We are on the same level with one another, the one where we don't speak, just look."
11.15.08. "Whatever happened to a steady pace? A straight line?"
12.24.08. "I'm sick of writing about this pain, this constant knot. Why can't YOU disappear?"
Xmas Eve. "STAND TALL, SHOW NO EMOTION, REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR.
...digging back in the trenches of my mind, seeking answers....amount to nothing."
3.26.09. "Note To Self: I feel like a puppy wanting my best friend back."
3.29.09. "You know what? Things become more and more sad as you get older. I'm realizing the reality of it all. One day it's going to hit me so hard just like a slap in the face."
5.30.09. "How is it that every girl becomes vulnerable, and that there is a 1% chance a woman will meet a man who is just not seeking her physical outline, but her true insides?"
? "I guess you always want things the way they used to be, but when things that are better come along, consider that the past will never be back again..."
? "See, the thing is they always come crying back to you when there lovely crutch brakes. They count on you to take them in and show them what else there is to see"
? "They were there all along."
? "It's like writing is an addiction. I'm not biting my nails, smoking cigarette after cigarette, or pulling strands of my hair out. This feels healthy to me. Sitting here alone in my room. One lamp in the corner is lit. My clock changes every minute. I'm comfortable."
? "I saw an old friend today, he never looked at me once"
? "This contentment is all I ask for."
? "People are all such disappointments. But, what can you do? Only believe greater in yourself."
? "Cover your face. I might recognize you."
? "Its not fair to sit in this clean bed alone and feel dirty. Its not fair to be perplexed at your dumbfounded surroundings. Its not fair to miss the things you'll never have again. So it is time to cut the rope bonding this all together and time to diminish your certain past."
? "Self-discovering is one of the many great things solitude brings with him, along with steamed memories you wish you could visit again."
? "It is time to renew yourself Sarah, to examine your morals and values, to take a step back and observe you and your surroundings, and deal with the change that casts over you. You are so strong, no one can ever break you."
? "Its all over. Every little bit & piece."
? "You can sit there with your fake smiles plastered on your faces and I will be able to see straight thru you. You're shooting for attention as always, this is what you normally do"