every night, its depressing, another day/ night spent at home
everyone is doing there own thing, having fun.
Here I am, sick, alone, damn..
Jun 28, 2009
: \
I think I'm getting better...I need to..this is no way to waste my summer
every night, its depressing, another day/ night spent at home
everyone is doing there own thing, having fun.
Here I am, sick, alone, damn..
every night, its depressing, another day/ night spent at home
everyone is doing there own thing, having fun.
Here I am, sick, alone, damn..
Jun 24, 2009
like a bee sting
I find out I have mono, this is a great way to spend the first month of summer
no summerfest, no ace enders, no hanging out, no nothing
I can barely swallow. All I do is sleep, or come on the computer.
Eating is close to impossible.
this is such a big bummer
no summerfest, no ace enders, no hanging out, no nothing
I can barely swallow. All I do is sleep, or come on the computer.
Eating is close to impossible.
this is such a big bummer
Jun 20, 2009
bitter fucking sweet
Happy, yet, I know on the inside
I am begging to run away from all of you
my lungs are expanding, and my heart is beating fast
I want to make it
Could I leave you here, standing?
Your not alone, your with everyone besides yourself
I will be okay, you would be fine with out me.
You have them, but you will never have yourself.
So, a bitter fucking sweet thought,
hoping soon to become a bitter fucking sweet goodbye,
things like this are impossible,
things like this are inevitable,
how do I spend all this time thinking of you?
Fond friends that create these few good memories,
I hope to leave you amidst your own selfish, premature, arrogant lives.
I am so much more, I live to be so much more, to do so much more.
I don't need you for anything, nothing
This plot never comes out successful.
I don't know why I feel like this, I don't know why you people have to act like this, I don't know why I hate you, but I do, even though we are 'so close'.
Sorry?
...
sort of.
I am begging to run away from all of you
my lungs are expanding, and my heart is beating fast
I want to make it
Could I leave you here, standing?
Your not alone, your with everyone besides yourself
I will be okay, you would be fine with out me.
You have them, but you will never have yourself.
So, a bitter fucking sweet thought,
hoping soon to become a bitter fucking sweet goodbye,
things like this are impossible,
things like this are inevitable,
how do I spend all this time thinking of you?
Fond friends that create these few good memories,
I hope to leave you amidst your own selfish, premature, arrogant lives.
I am so much more, I live to be so much more, to do so much more.
I don't need you for anything, nothing
This plot never comes out successful.
I don't know why I feel like this, I don't know why you people have to act like this, I don't know why I hate you, but I do, even though we are 'so close'.
Sorry?
...
sort of.
Jun 15, 2009
monday night
first monday night of summer vacation.
a part of me wants to be somewhere else, but right now, I am pretty content with just sitting at my house.
I have not wrote in a while on either here or my journal, and I regret that. This past week has been so great. I have met and hung out with a lot of new and old friends. My summer has been so good, so far.
So much is still in store for me. I have my hopes high, but I am not trying to have expectations. I am just living it and being happy, and not looking back in the past. There is so much on my plate right now, and sometimes I don't even know how to comprehend it. I am just overall, exceptionally happy with the way everything has been going.
a part of me wants to be somewhere else, but right now, I am pretty content with just sitting at my house.
I have not wrote in a while on either here or my journal, and I regret that. This past week has been so great. I have met and hung out with a lot of new and old friends. My summer has been so good, so far.
So much is still in store for me. I have my hopes high, but I am not trying to have expectations. I am just living it and being happy, and not looking back in the past. There is so much on my plate right now, and sometimes I don't even know how to comprehend it. I am just overall, exceptionally happy with the way everything has been going.
Jun 9, 2009
Jun 1, 2009
it's been so long...
and I have had time to forgive
all the people who have ruined me.
A clean slate, an optimistic insight,
is exactly what I am looking for.
But for some reason, deep down,
I still want you to suffer so bad.
Where can this humanistic trait be derived from?
Where we want the people who hurt us so bad
to ultimately suffer in the end.
Emotionally, suffer, or physically.
So that, they can see all the harm they've done
along the way. Vengeance. runs. deep.
I hope I can overcome this some day.
I hope I can extract it from my head, and start over.
I think I can.
all the people who have ruined me.
A clean slate, an optimistic insight,
is exactly what I am looking for.
But for some reason, deep down,
I still want you to suffer so bad.
Where can this humanistic trait be derived from?
Where we want the people who hurt us so bad
to ultimately suffer in the end.
Emotionally, suffer, or physically.
So that, they can see all the harm they've done
along the way. Vengeance. runs. deep.
I hope I can overcome this some day.
I hope I can extract it from my head, and start over.
I think I can.
May 30, 2009
one million
old journal entries from over the past two years on loose leaf
hanging out in my room.
Authority..let me be.
Am I approachable?
Am I what you are looking for?
No, well I didn't want to get my hopes up.
Summer nights ahead, so close I can feel it wrapping around me
The Early November, always will be my favorite band, since 8th grade
and will always influence my writings from day to day
I feel like trash.
I feel unhealthy.
I feel cold.
Now how about them old journal entries...
11.9.08. "I live with a sense of strength now"
11.12.08. "So we exchange blank stares. We are on the same level with one another, the one where we don't speak, just look."
11.15.08. "Whatever happened to a steady pace? A straight line?"
12.24.08. "I'm sick of writing about this pain, this constant knot. Why can't YOU disappear?"
Xmas Eve. "STAND TALL, SHOW NO EMOTION, REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR.
^ LOOKING
...digging back in the trenches of my mind, seeking answers....amount to nothing."
3.26.09. "Note To Self: I feel like a puppy wanting my best friend back."
3.29.09. "You know what? Things become more and more sad as you get older. I'm realizing the reality of it all. One day it's going to hit me so hard just like a slap in the face."
5.30.09. "How is it that every girl becomes vulnerable, and that there is a 1% chance a woman will meet a man who is just not seeking her physical outline, but her true insides?"
? "I guess you always want things the way they used to be, but when things that are better come along, consider that the past will never be back again..."
? "See, the thing is they always come crying back to you when there lovely crutch brakes. They count on you to take them in and show them what else there is to see"
? "They were there all along."
? "It's like writing is an addiction. I'm not biting my nails, smoking cigarette after cigarette, or pulling strands of my hair out. This feels healthy to me. Sitting here alone in my room. One lamp in the corner is lit. My clock changes every minute. I'm comfortable."
? "I saw an old friend today, he never looked at me once"
? "This contentment is all I ask for."
? "People are all such disappointments. But, what can you do? Only believe greater in yourself."
? "Cover your face. I might recognize you."
^ Asshole.
? "Its not fair to sit in this clean bed alone and feel dirty. Its not fair to be perplexed at your dumbfounded surroundings. Its not fair to miss the things you'll never have again. So it is time to cut the rope bonding this all together and time to diminish your certain past."
? "Self-discovering is one of the many great things solitude brings with him, along with steamed memories you wish you could visit again."
? "It is time to renew yourself Sarah, to examine your morals and values, to take a step back and observe you and your surroundings, and deal with the change that casts over you. You are so strong, no one can ever break you."
? "Its all over. Every little bit & piece."
? "You can sit there with your fake smiles plastered on your faces and I will be able to see straight thru you. You're shooting for attention as always, this is what you normally do"
hanging out in my room.
Authority..let me be.
Am I approachable?
Am I what you are looking for?
No, well I didn't want to get my hopes up.
Summer nights ahead, so close I can feel it wrapping around me
The Early November, always will be my favorite band, since 8th grade
and will always influence my writings from day to day
I feel like trash.
I feel unhealthy.
I feel cold.
Now how about them old journal entries...
11.9.08. "I live with a sense of strength now"
11.12.08. "So we exchange blank stares. We are on the same level with one another, the one where we don't speak, just look."
11.15.08. "Whatever happened to a steady pace? A straight line?"
12.24.08. "I'm sick of writing about this pain, this constant knot. Why can't YOU disappear?"
Xmas Eve. "STAND TALL, SHOW NO EMOTION, REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR.
^ LOOKING
...digging back in the trenches of my mind, seeking answers....amount to nothing."
3.26.09. "Note To Self: I feel like a puppy wanting my best friend back."
3.29.09. "You know what? Things become more and more sad as you get older. I'm realizing the reality of it all. One day it's going to hit me so hard just like a slap in the face."
5.30.09. "How is it that every girl becomes vulnerable, and that there is a 1% chance a woman will meet a man who is just not seeking her physical outline, but her true insides?"
? "I guess you always want things the way they used to be, but when things that are better come along, consider that the past will never be back again..."
? "See, the thing is they always come crying back to you when there lovely crutch brakes. They count on you to take them in and show them what else there is to see"
? "They were there all along."
? "It's like writing is an addiction. I'm not biting my nails, smoking cigarette after cigarette, or pulling strands of my hair out. This feels healthy to me. Sitting here alone in my room. One lamp in the corner is lit. My clock changes every minute. I'm comfortable."
? "I saw an old friend today, he never looked at me once"
? "This contentment is all I ask for."
? "People are all such disappointments. But, what can you do? Only believe greater in yourself."
? "Cover your face. I might recognize you."
^ Asshole.
? "Its not fair to sit in this clean bed alone and feel dirty. Its not fair to be perplexed at your dumbfounded surroundings. Its not fair to miss the things you'll never have again. So it is time to cut the rope bonding this all together and time to diminish your certain past."
? "Self-discovering is one of the many great things solitude brings with him, along with steamed memories you wish you could visit again."
? "It is time to renew yourself Sarah, to examine your morals and values, to take a step back and observe you and your surroundings, and deal with the change that casts over you. You are so strong, no one can ever break you."
? "Its all over. Every little bit & piece."
? "You can sit there with your fake smiles plastered on your faces and I will be able to see straight thru you. You're shooting for attention as always, this is what you normally do"
May 26, 2009
w0w
I suck lately with my creativity...
Right now, looking for a job to help pay my wants and needs
(including a new camera)
Yes, yes, yes...
Summer almost here, two weeks or something? Raaaaaaddddddd
:]
I am really happy, just so you know.
Right now, looking for a job to help pay my wants and needs
(including a new camera)
Yes, yes, yes...
Summer almost here, two weeks or something? Raaaaaaddddddd
:]
I am really happy, just so you know.
May 25, 2009
light
uuugggggggggggggggggh
1. don't clean
2. your a messss
3. don't finish your presentation
and 4. let school finish..
ohhhh, and 5. Eat a little something.
May 24, 2009
ideas
hey, its been a while...
A few things:
One, taking walks on your own in the comfort of the sun shining down on you and wind directing your path, makes one smile and realize the joy that comes from being independent and being motivated.
Two, to be strong is what everyone needs. Don't get stepped on, live your life and don't ever let anybody shake you and tell you something you don't care to hear.
Three, life, this is life. Everyone seems to get their own ideas of it. But, the one thing that is the foundation of life is dreams. What is it that you really want to acheive in life? If you have no dreams, or goals, what is the point of living? Establish something, establish change and establish inspiration and shout to the world, 'I am happy.'
Four, I can't wait to escape this box. This box is shaping me and it never wants me to leave. But, as I grow, I want to travel the world. Taste the things I never knew, hear the things I've never heard, and see everything that has been unseen by my own eyes. I want something better than this cheap, secular, american country.
Five, I love realization. I love realizing how I have changed and the greater things that have come from the past, like how I have become optimistic, an advice giver, a thinker, a writer, and realizing the person I have always wanted to be and the person that I know I will never become. How great it is, to realize all of the above...
----
Welcome to the life of S. Nelson;
A few things:
One, taking walks on your own in the comfort of the sun shining down on you and wind directing your path, makes one smile and realize the joy that comes from being independent and being motivated.
Two, to be strong is what everyone needs. Don't get stepped on, live your life and don't ever let anybody shake you and tell you something you don't care to hear.
Three, life, this is life. Everyone seems to get their own ideas of it. But, the one thing that is the foundation of life is dreams. What is it that you really want to acheive in life? If you have no dreams, or goals, what is the point of living? Establish something, establish change and establish inspiration and shout to the world, 'I am happy.'
Four, I can't wait to escape this box. This box is shaping me and it never wants me to leave. But, as I grow, I want to travel the world. Taste the things I never knew, hear the things I've never heard, and see everything that has been unseen by my own eyes. I want something better than this cheap, secular, american country.
Five, I love realization. I love realizing how I have changed and the greater things that have come from the past, like how I have become optimistic, an advice giver, a thinker, a writer, and realizing the person I have always wanted to be and the person that I know I will never become. How great it is, to realize all of the above...
----
Welcome to the life of S. Nelson;
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